Quincy: I knew this would happen one day... Underground goat-eating monsters coming to get me! [Whimpers]
Mister Yut: Do not become alarmed, it's just rabbits digging the subway tunnel. If you wish to be alarmed, be alarmed that I'm about to plummet-!
Bev: No worries, Mr. Yut. Quincy, you're good at safety. Plummet-proof Mr. Yut. ...There, safe and sound! And you've got your own private whirlpool bath.
Mister Yut: Yut, ahh, livin' large.
Edie: [Gasps] The universe is against me! Why do bad things happen to good birds?
Quincy: Oh, no-no, hah, I thought the same thing. Turns out it was subway construction, not ravenous burrowing monsters.
Edie: Oh, I wish my problems were that simple! My perch swing is missing. [Whimpers]
Bev: Don't worry, Edie, we'll help you look for it.
Quincy: With the three of us looking, we'll find it in no time.
Bev: Let's find that bird swing!
Mister Yut: You deal with that, and I'll deal with the relaxing bubble soaking.
Bev: [Sniffing] Huh? Hi, Jade!
Bev: What'cha looking for? Trouble?
Roxie: We're lookin for Jade's frowny-faced jingle ball.
Jade: One minute it was my cat condo, the next minute...
Roxie: Poof! Vanished into thin air!
Jade: Yeah, that.
Edie: My favorite perch swing has also disappeared.
Bev: Well, what do you say we join forces? We'll search Edie's place for her swing, and then Jade's frowny-faced jingle ball.
Roxie: Ooooooh! Sorry, there was no reason for that ooooooh. It's fun to say, though.
Edie: Ew! Trip, gross! Use your stapler!
Trip: If I had my stapler, I wouldn't need the missing stapler poster, yo.
Edie: Your stapler is missing?
Bev: [Gasp] Judging by these posters, lots of things are missing. Terrarium log, shipwreck toy, scratching post...
Edie: Do we think these things are missing, or perhaps... stolen?!
Everyone: What?! No, that's crazy!
Bev: This is Pawtucket, we don't steal from each other!
Quincy: But if they were stolen, then who's the thief?
Roxie: You know, my humans watch a lot of crime shows. On TV, the cops always sweep the area and pull in suspects! Then, there's a commercial where clown talks about junk food.
Edie: Okay, let's pull in suspects! Hmm, is there anyone in town who's always sneaking around late at night?
[Lights flip on]
Bev: Where were you last night? Your punishment won't be as bad if you come clean now!
Trip: Have you ever seen this stapler?
Quincy: If a train leaves the station travelling 90 miles an hour, with three ducks in one car, and two cats in another car, how long will it take to reach Paw-Tucket?
Roxie: Who's a bad boy?! Who's a bad boy?! Come on, don't make me shake the penny can at you!
Jade: Come on, Scoot! You once made me think you weren't so bad. Try it again - let's have some answers.
Scoot: Y-y-y-y-you got the wrong raccoon, I'm tellin' ya! I'm not a burglar, I'm just a regular scavenger trying to get by with my wits on my tiny human-like hands! Look, look, look!
Trip: If you're not a burglar, how come you always wear a burglar's mask?
Scoot: You can't pin any of these crimes on me, I've got an iron-clad alibi! I was outside the Shake N' Dry Salon every night this week digging in the trash cans.
Bev: Why would a tough guy like you dig through a beauty salon's garbage?
Scoot: The avocado peels they throw out every Thursday do wonders for my fur. Here, feel it for yourself!
Jade: Sorry, pal, I don't get my kicks rubbing raccoons.
Scoot: Look, if you don't believe me, just check the security footage at the spa.
Trip: Oh, we will!
Roxie: This is where they'd have the clown commercial.
Bev: His alibi checks out, he's digging for avocado peels. Hm, and I have to say, those things are magic!
Quincy: But who's that dog in all the videos?
Bev: Huh? That looks like... Austin!
Trip: Hey! That's my stapler in his mouth!
Edie: Look! Now he's got my perch swing! I guess we'd better go talk to him.
Roxie: But, Austin would never steal! He's such a good dog! And he's really, really cute, let's not forget that.
Jade: He is Mr. Obedience Dog, it'd be weird for him to steal. Maybe he's got an evil twin. That'd be worth seeing!
Roxie: Austin is the most honest pet in Paw-Tucket, he can't be the perp. They call thieves perps on crime shows.
Bev: Er, hi, Austin. We were, um, kind of, you know, wondering-
Bev: Uh, you know, heheh-
Scoot: Where were you last night, perp?
Austin: I was home sleeping like a puppy.
Roxie: See? He was sleeping! And Austin doesn't lie, so there must be another thief dog out there who looks just like him and wears the exact same yellow and white bandana he's wearing... right...oh, boy!
Scoot: He's a thief! Lock him up, there must be punishment!
Petula: Good, you caught Austin! He stole my purple curl comb!
Austin: Uh, what are you guys talking about?
Roxie: We saw video of you with some of the items that have gone missing in town recently.
Austin: Impossible! I don't steal, I'm an obedience dog. It's shameful! And I told you, I was sleeping. Just ask the rabbits I dreamed I was chasing.
Petula: We've been looking through our selfies. If you were asleep, why did you photo bomb me in front of the movie theater while you were carrying Sweetie's hair bow?
Sweetie: Or walk past my window last night carrying Mitchell's favorite terrarium log?
Mitchell: [Tearfully] That log was like a brother to me!
Austin: I don't know what to say. I'm sure I was asleep, but... that is me in those pictures. I can't explain it, but I must be guilty.
Sweetie: Lock him up!
Austin: Don't worry, I'll lock myself up! I'll be in the storeroom at the Littlest Pet Shop until morning, and Mayor can decide my punishment.
Austin: [Whipmer] I hope it isn't teeth cleaning!
Roxie: This just doesn't smell right, and I've smelled some pretty weird stuff in my time. Like the time I was digging in a stable and-
Jade: Don't need to hear it. But this is weird.
Roxie: Time to catch a thief! Jade, you're with me!
Jade: I'm not seeing any thieves, and we just missed my nap before bedtime nap. [Purring]
Jade: Uh, Austin? You said you'd stay in the storeroom. This isn't the storeroom.
Roxie: I think he's sleepwalking.
Jade: More like sleep-fetching.
Roxie: He's not stealing, he's retrieving, in his sleep!
Jade: Not quite evil twin stuff, but not unweird. Let's see where he's taking the stuff.
Roxie: [Panting] Don't let him get away! If we lose him, we won't be able to clear his name before Mayor throws the book at him!
Jade: Don't worry, he won't get away. He got away.
Roxie: Oh, Mayor is going to punish Austin soon! We've got to get out of here. Which way do we go?
Jade: Beats me.
Construction Rabbit: Hey, you two, this is a construction site! Nobody allowed but us burrowing rodents!
Roxie: We don't want to be down here. How do we get out?
Construction Rabbit: Can't talk now, I'm on the job.
Construction: Okay, I'm on a break. Go up that slope.
Roxie: Where are we? Are we in town?
Jade: We're at the Put-Put Golf Course.
Jade: But we better get back to town if we want to help Austin, which I guess we should.
Pets: [Chanting] Send him home!
Mayor Perrito: Austin, I feel bad about this. But even though I'm only mayor because my name is Mayor, I still have to do mayor stuff. If your innocence cannot be proven, I'm afraid the punishment for stealing is... banishment!
Austin: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to steal anyone's stuff! You've got to believe me!
Mayor: Sorry, Austin, if no one can speak for your innocence, I hereby sentence you to - ayayay!
Roxie: Hoo! Listen, everybody, Austin didn't steal anything! He was just fetching in his sleep!
Austin: All I remember is dreaming about fetching the morning newspaper. I keep having that dream because I'm learning to do that back in the human world.
Sweetie: I don't buy that for a minute! If he's innocent, where's the loot?
Jade: Here's a question I never thought I'd ask: Anyone up for some golf?
Austin: Wow! The beard, the flannel shirt - Paul Bunion is just like my human!
Roxie: See, everypet? Austin wasn't really stealing, he was fetching the newspaper in his sleep and bringing it to his human! He's innocent!
Mayor: In that case, Austin, I, Mayor of Paw-Tucket, officially clear you of all charges!
Roxie: The detective duo Jade and Roxie strike again!
Austin: Oh, thank you guys so much! I don't know what I would've done if I couldn't come back here.
Sweetie: Come on, y'all, let's get out of here! [Yelp] [Thud]
Jade: Watch out, there's a hole there.
Sweetie: Thanks a lot!